This is gloom

2003-09-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

On a sombre note.
Mel's grandma passed away peacefully on the 25 Sep 2003.

I never knew you except through what Mel has told me but I know you're in a better place.

Thank you one and all for your prayers.

Thinking about her death just brings to mind the amount of people that haven't seen their loved ones for years and then only show up when the person is dead. Isn't that a bit too late?

Spend more time with the people you love today.... please.
Tell them you love them and show that you do.
You don't know when it'll be too late.

I'm still surviving with the absence of Melissa and Thaddeus, hard as it is...

Well, Sheralyn has been in Melbourne for the past few days and me, shera, juney, julian , boy with tuft of hair on lower chin, malay boy, african boys, all went to the Melbourne show and bought showbags. It was raining. and then the sun came out. and then it rained again. and then the sun came out again. and then it rained again.

On the upside, we saw horses and dogs and cows pooing so it was nubbad.
I also bought two showbags.
1. Bob the builder showbag - lunchbox, art set, crayons, drawing mat, play dough, blah blah blah
2. Cadbury showbag - Quite a number of chocolates and 1 medium sized cookie monster stuffed toy. Why cookie monster of all the sesame street characters? Because ....

Late last year in Dec, after a party at Joes place, i got pissed drunk. REALLY REAALLY DRUNK. Well, Melissa( we were 'just friends' then), and her friend, Gayle (whom i just mistakenly called ' darling' over the phone) picked me up somewhere in balestier (i think) and we went for supper at holland village(i think). We ordered some ngoh hiang(i think) and i took the crunchy delicious cracker and announced loudly:
"I AM COOKIE MONSTER!" and devoured it like how he would. I can't remember what happened next.

I also bought some very spicy chilli and a nice wooden windmill for Thaddeus which reminded me of a time when toys were much simpler before the horror of technology took over our innocence.

I also have been having alot of irish beer and one should know that taking a break after 2 pints and then going for rock hard nasi goreng will make you sick as hell.
Oh well... i miss you Mel and thad, please come back soon.

Back to the playstation 2 now...

2003-09-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not used to this.

No nappies to change for 2 weeks.
No screaming mouth to feed for 2 weeks.
No pram to push around for 2 weeks.
No one to climb all over me in the morning for 2 weeks.
The bed is too big.
The cot is empty.
The apartment is too big.
It's so damn quiet.
I have to decide where i want to eat on my own now.

No we haven't broken up.
Mel and Thad's just gone back to visit Mel's grandma cause she's sick. Please pray for her.

Well.... on the upside, i could use the time to do some really constructive studying.

And yes... i know i haven't been updating this blog (like i have any other) for a long time but here it is again for anyone who's still reading. Any way,

DAVID BOWIE IS COMING TO AUSTRALIA!!!!!

Yes, he said it HIMSELF on TV 2 nights ago on this Aussie programme called "Rove LIVE" via webcam. He still looks so damn good... I think i'll watch labyrinth again later. And this morning in the Herald Sun, PRINCE is apparently making a comeback and will be touring Aussie soon too!! WOHOOOHOOHOOO!!!!

Other than that, i've signed up to join, the 100 pint club in this irish club which is pretty near my place... with every 25 pints, i get a free pint and once i get to 100, i 'll get 20% off meals , 10% off pints, and a guinness polo shit. only 8 more to go to reach my first 25 but it shouldn't be a problem. i'm even doing my work there now... heh.

no pictures today but expect some in the next posting... which should be soon...... HEH.

2003-05-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hello one and all again. it's been a really busy time. And i'm starting to panic because exams are round the corner and i have 9 essays due in 2 weeks and 3 papers to study for. Last week was very very hectic because Melissa got hospitalised. She's back at home now and recovering well. But here's some facts you should know!

What is Meningococcal Disease?

Meningococcal disease is a rare but very serious illness that usually appears as meningitis or septicaemia. ' Meningitis' means an iflammation of the protective coverings of the brain and the spinal cord. ' Septicaemia' means blood poisoning, which is a more widespread infection throughout the body. Meningococcal disease is cause by bacteria called ' meningococci'. There are a number of different groups of meningococci. In Victoria most disease is cause by two groups, Group B and Group C.

How serious is Meningococcal Disease?

Although meningococcal disease is uncommon, it is a very serious disease. the infection can develope very quickly, and can be fatal in about 10% of cases. If infection is diagnosed early enough and the right antibiotics are given quickly, most people make a complete recovery.

About a quarter of people who recover experince after effects. some of the more common after-effects include headaches, deafness in one or both ears, tinnitus (ringing in the ears), double vision, aches and stiffness in joints and learning difficulties. Most of these problems get better with time.

What are the symptoms?

Someone with meningococcal disease will become very ill, usually feeling sicker than they have ever felt before. THere are many symptons of meningococcal disease, although a few are essspecially important. Most cases may have only a few of these symptons, and they hardly ever happen all at once.

In infants and young children:

Fever,disinterest in feeding, irritability,Extreme tiredness or floppiness, dislike of being handled, vomiting and/or diarrhoea, turning away from light, drowsiness, convulsions or twitching, Rash of red-purple pin prick spots or larger bruises.

In older children and adults:

Headache, photophobia,(dislike of bringht lights), fever, vomiting and/or diarrhoea, neck stiffness or aching. backache, joint pains and sore muscles, general malaise, off food, drowsiness, confusion, rash of red -purple pin prick spots or larger bruises.

SOLUTION!!!!!!

GET YOURSELF VACCINATED AGAINST TYPE C MENINGOCOCCAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!~!~!~!~!~!!

i couldn't be bothered to actually type the entire chunk out but as you can see, i've already gone ahead and made a fool of myself by typing everything above out... well.. it's good speed typing practice......

ok... here are some pics...

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! i dunno if we're gonna show that one to him when he grows up.....

2003-04-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! UPDATES!!!!

ok.. i'm sorry folks but i really haven't had the time to update this site... i'll definitely try to update with more consistency now at least twice a week.. Things have been good. Well... for the next two days i'll prolly not be doing any line drawings but i'll post some new photos once i get the software installed for the digicam. I might not be coming back to Sp0re in july now seeing how big the SARS thing is now. For all in Sp0re , my heart is with you guys.... pat pat......

"there is a light that never goes out..."

Oh, Joe, i'll take photos at Camilla's next week... happy tsingtaoing....

2003-03-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

Don't we all just love parties?

Well.. schools been pretty interesting. And everyone's been telling me to update but really i dunno what to say. oh yes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THADDEUS!!! YOU"RE 1 YEARS OLD!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!
really i do.... you're such a beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy.....

I'm finally beginning to understand cytology..... thanks Mels for the help and the muesli bars.... heh....

Anyway... the hairdye is fading off.... it's turning brownish now.... from green... sort of signals the seasonal change...
Finished Joseph Heller's Catch 22 which is a wonderful book and i urge all to read it... especially in these times with the war going on...
Will start on Phillip K dicks a maze of death tomorrow....

oh... i'm a wonderful toilet cleaner.The floors so clean now you can eat off it... *beams proudly*

WIll dream tonight of iraqi farmers shooting down US helicopters...

2003-03-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

Hello folks.

I'm in melbourne. School starts tomorrow. Everything's been going fine and pretty smoothly i guess.
I've never posted anything using a 56k before so hopefully i won't have to wait too long. AH well, hope everything's going smoothly for all of you folks. will try to post more.

I watched About Schimdt the other night and a scene that i saw sort of reminded me of many instances that have happened. Nothing really striking or important or witty or smart . Just that little stab in your heart each time you see someone you know you'll really miss walk away and say goodbye and you just stand there and watch until their backs fade away...

2003-02-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

OK folks... i'm leaving in a few hours.

Will try to post somemore when i'm in melbourne although i'll prolly be stuck with a 56k.

I don't think i've said goodbye to everybody so this is for those whom i haven't said goodbye to. Goodbye.

Or if you guys want to mail me, you can mail me at gloom@minister.com.

One last pic before i go.

2003-02-01T19:57:00.000-08:00

Paul, this one's for you...

It's going to be ok

Sigh...

Anyway... the flight has been confirmed, i will be leaving on Feb the 11th.. it's definite this time.

It's the Chinese New year , the time when we have to keep up appearances and answer annoying questions about ourselves... For a list of answers you can give to irritating relatives, check out www.thetick.blogspot.com . Heh...

Hurrah, my grandparents have realised i'm not a girl...

:)

2003-01-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

Something i saw on my way to border's after work one night.

Ever missed having someone to quarrel with?
It's strange but i guess deep down inside we all do. I know i do.
Hopefully the couple patched up after their bit of trouble.

Anyway.... my mom has decided to book tickets for australia on the 4th of Feb. I shall be leaving this country and onward to Melbourne to study once again.
My family will be with me from the 4th till the 11th. And then i'll be left alone till the 19th, which will be when orientation starts. I hope i survive.
(All this is in the hope that my visa application is succesful after spending that 208 dollars seeing my old therapist and asking him to write the letter to the aussie government certifying that i will not be a hazard to the australian community)

Hope to see some of you folks before i leave singapore.

Till next time folks....

Oh yah... so joe.... tomorrow newton ai mai?

2002-12-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

I didn't really like Christmas this year.
I dunno but this december has been rather hard to get by.
I'm sorry for not updating blog as often
It's not that i've been busy, i mean, i'm at home most of the time after work but i'm just not doing anything and i can't think of anything to write or draw.

Just got back from a chalet with the parents.
i...
somehow felt like quite a bit of a freak there with all the relatives looking at me...

i could tell my mom was ashamed...

"It's hard to love someone this strange and the strangeness of this person makes it so painful to love him"

I sat at the beach alot. Just staring at the sea and watching the ships.

I threw pebbles into the water.. i like doing that...

well.... happy new year.

I can't see this post at all... now blogger fucks up on me... bleh.

2002-12-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Last night, I dreamt that I went to a science park with my sister. While walking past the tortoise ponds, a turtle leapt out of the water and standing before us, proceeded to introduce himself.

“Hello. I am the greatest artist in the world but I am unrecognized by you humans because alas! I am a turtle.” He paused with a sigh and proceeded to draw the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen.

Of dragons and children and adults and cotton candy and trains and lakes and shadows and light and everything imaginable and perhaps unimaginable too. It was the most beautiful piece of art I’ve ever seen and his canvass seemed to stretch on and on forever, showing no length and no width. All there was in front of me was the most moving picture I’ve ever seen.

I remember I cried and held my sister, shaking from what I’ve seen on the turtle’s canvass.

A fat lady in a bikini walked past. Her face was red from shyness and i remember hearing her thoughts about how ugly she was.

But all I saw was beauty.

I walked towards her, intending to tell her otherwise and tell her how beautiful she was.

I took five steps when suddenly I realized I was on the road and a truck had swerved my way. It’s honks were loud and BANG... I was hit.

I awoke to the sound of the (very loud) ringing of my alarm clock and I hastened to pee.

Welcome back everyone from Australia. It's been good seeing you guys.
So here's another MS Paint picture.

Ghost on the transport system

2002-12-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

And there were 13 stars in the night sky tonight.

last night there were 9.
The night before 12.
I've been counting them every night for the past few days.

And yet there is always one moon.
I feel a sense of familiarity with the moon somehow. I like looking at it alot.

Read somewhere that that's where the word lunatic came about. The moon.
People turned mad because of the moon ( luna)... therefore... lunatic...

i don't care... i love the moon anyway...

2002-11-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

It's been sometime.

Work has been taking up most of my time these days. Work, home, IRC, sleep. Whole dreary repetition every single day broken up by occasional drinking nights.

And now here i am typing and staring at an empty screen once again whilst my friend is asleep on my bed.

i wish i could have a beer right about now but my stomach's unwell. suspected appendix trouble but i think it's just stomachflu. Cramps have lessened though.

Listening to heatmiser's The Fix is In.

Could do with a beer right now...

Well.. i've got quite a few dvds right now to watch though.. all thanks to the pirates from JB who now provide delivery to singapore. Viva Johor!

I'll get by...

A scene from my life. A scene that appears everyday.

2002-11-21T11:04:00.000-08:00

bleh.

2002-11-19T01:23:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey Hey....

I've been coming home from work everynight and konking out like almost rightaway so i haven't been having the time to update this blog. But fret not. Here is an update.

Work has been good yes. TIring and good. New shop is ready already. SO now there's simply toys 1 and simply toys 2. Simply toys 1 is located at far east plaza #03-138, whilst simplly toys 2 is at far east plaza #01-24,26. i think. i'll be alternating between the two shops. The other staff are more proficient in chinese in the shop so banter is usually a mixture of Chinese ( from them) and English (me).

So.. i work 5 days a week. And the shop only closes 2 times a year. Once on new years day and once on the first day of the lunar new year. So i'll be there almost everyday.

Besides that. I have attained the rank of K0mput0r genius because i've fixed my barricade single handedly and set up the entire shops k0mput0r system too.

(i admit i do look like a hacker with my glasses on)

Am right now reading in between MRT rides, >"Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde & The Merry Men and other tales and fables by R.L. Stevenson"

Am right now listening to, "heatmiser, MIC City songs"

oh... and i've got a fan...

Anyway... applications for girlfriend of computer genius are still on.... so leave a note.... please?

2002-11-13T23:44:00.000-08:00

Work at simplytoys has been most fun. Yesterday was a quiet weekday but moco and Keith came to visit me. Moco was basically bored and in the area to check out some chais, whilst keith came down to show me the wonder of his Garnier whitening cream and pictures of his pythons and cats. Caught a stomach flu and it's been hell.

The night before i dreamt i was darth vader. Somewhere in the middle of a lightsabre duel with Obi wan Kenobi i woke up and went to the toilet and puked my guts out.

Came back from the toilet and had a smoke and put on some music. I put on leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.

I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord,
But you don't really care for music do you.
It goes like this the fourth the fifth,
the minor fell and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to the kitchen chair
She broke your throne she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja, Halleluja

Baby I've beeen here before
I know this room I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
whats really going on below
but now you never show it to me do you?
I remember when I moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Now maybe there's a god above
but all I ever learned from love
is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's no complaint you hear tonight
and it's not some pilgrim who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a lonely Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel so I learned to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong,
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

This was one of the most spiritual experiences i've ever had in a long long time. After listening to it, i just put my head in my pillow and wept. And i sang a cold and broken hallelujah to God. It's true. It's not a voice you hear at night, it's not some pilgrim who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...

2002-11-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Work has started yes.

Work at Simply toys began on Saturday afternoon.
i now have a job and a steady income.
I have become reliable.
Appplications for gfs begin today.
Just leave your number here on the comments and i'll call you about the application fees and how to sign up.

Drinking again last night with Joe at Newton.
Fabulous time it was.
Nothing goes better with tsing tao than some suede, Lou Reed, Velvet Underground and U2's Faraway .. so close...

Feeling pretty good today....
:)

i dunno why i'm posting this pic....

2002-11-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

hmm....

yesterday was good.

Went out with Mocs after getting my passport done. Had to reaply for a new one cause theold one is expiring and i need one that will last me for another 4 years at least. Which is a good thing because the pictures in the passport of me are extremely outdated. The first one is when i was primary six. The 2nd one... was... in Joe's words... "GUO FU CHEN"...

NO I"M NOT POSTING THEM HERE.

Spent the day walking around .... and found out to my horror that tower records at pacific plaza had closed down. Mocs educated me that it happened two years ago.
I should really try to get out of the house more.

Went to borders and read a bit of preacher, sampled some music and met menth0l for a while. She does not seem to psychotic in person... heh.
Met one of moc's friends too... erm... she said i looked like one of the kinki kids.....
.........................................................................................................................

Spent the rest of the night with mocs and joe at Adam Road downing tsing taos again.

And now, tonight, i wish i was at adam road again drinking, with some company.
It gets so awfully lonely every night.

another crappy drawing with MS Paint.

2002-11-03T22:55:00.000-08:00

Which Hellsing character are you?

I KNEW IT.

i went fishing last night at this farmart place. 12 bucks per hour to fish for prawns. Caught 2. Nothing quite like throwing out a line , smoking, having a few jugs of beer, and waiting for the prawns to bite. Got home at 12am and moped around till 4am before realising that i had run out of ciggies. So decided to go buy a pack. Took the lift down and the block cat was waiting for me at the door!!! HE KNEW I WAS COMING!!!! i pat him alot, everytime i find the energy to leave the house, i will sit under my block for about half and hour patting him. So cat and me went to the neighbourhood "Cheers", where i bought my ciggies and some beef jerky for kitty kat. Then sat under block and patted kitty kat for half an hour and feeding him beef jerky. Was good to have some company... God i need a drink...

2002-11-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

Morning,

Just woke up. Have been drinking almost everyday. Will TRY not to drink this weekend. Watched some pretty good shit this week. Finished the Hellsing Japanese Vampire anime series Joe passed to me on Wednesday night that actually belongs to Morph. I WANNA BE ALUCARD. Though some lines like " Now you can be NO LIFE KING" didn't make much sense. Heh, strange Japanese anime. Watched 2 episodes from DECALOGUE by Krzystof Kieslowski. oh. AND I START WORK AGAIN NEXT WEEK. i'll be once again working at SIMPLY TOYS in far east. come visit and look for the guy with strange hair and say hello! The rest of today will probably be spent staring at the computer screen again. wow.

2002-10-29T08:58:00.000-08:00

Three Mirrors (1st attempt at drawing anything with a computer)

HELLO... I have stomachache today. I also watched the best of Borat this morning when i woke up at 9. As you can tell, i have crazy sleeping patterns. After playing quite a bit of guitar and warcraft 3, i went to bed again at 5 and woke up at 9 in the evening. I have been drinking quite a bit. Thursday (at home watching DECALOGUE, eating german sausages and downing a few cans), Friday (By chance, my friends were having a birthday party at the country club i was at and bumped into them, so they dragged me over for some red wine and beer), Saturday (downing tsingtaos with Joe and Mark at newton), Monday (Tsingtaos with Joe again).
Trying not to look into the fridge now. Tch.

Last night at the club playing badminton. I had a minute of hallucinations.
Whilest waiting for partner to serve the shuttle, i looked arond me and saw bubbles.
very colourful
very pretty
I swatted them with my racket
I reached for them with my hands
And after what seemed like a minute
They disappeared..
I swear i wasn't taking anything.

2002-10-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

Morning folks,

Yet another day of doing nothing. Toy shop is still under renovation. So there's no work. Am waking up at 4-5 pm everyday, sleeping at 6 every morning. Is this the good life?
Reading Lewis Carroll's "through the looking glass" again. I've always been really fascinated with Alice. I wish i knew a mad hatter, or a gryphon. Can you imagine talking to a Caterpillar high on magic mushrooms? I'm pretty happy with my new laptop. Just gotto change the new dvd rom cause the picture and sound lags every friggin 1 minute. Bloddy irritating stuff. But besides that, i guess things are ok. I feel this strange sense of "giggleness". I feel like giggling. Since i woke up ten minutes ago, i haven't stopped giggling. Tis a strange day. Well, everyday i try to think of things to do when i wake up. This is what i have to do today.

Things to do today:

Wake up (done)
Listen to Portishead and Tricky's "Hell is round the corner" (presently doing)
Mail in DELL rebate form
Play badminton
erm.. think about what to do tomorrow
play some guitar
stop giggling
Do something nice for anyone

2002-10-27T01:48:00.000-08:00

Ohwhataweekohwhataweekohwhataweek.

Tension between the parents and me rise. It's almost boiling point now.

I hope you've changed the way you think
I hope you've changed the clothes you wear
I hope that you regret these things you say
I hope in time that things will change
I think you know that anyway

You've been disgraceful
It's so regretful
You're disgusting
You know you've been disgraceful
It's so regretful
You've been disgusting

"Disgusting" by Mansun

I know i've been neglecting the updates of this blog. But really... no mood and nothing to write about. Am listening to Portishead's "Roads" right now.

Oh what a week it's been.

2002-10-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Just a perfect day,
Problems all left alone,
Weekenders on our own.
It's such fun.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself.
I thought I was someone else,
Someone good.

Lou Reed

Yes folks... it's been a perfect day.

Had beer with an old friend. Reason being he wanted to get drunk before he went off for his aunt's funeral. He didn't want to be seen crying there. He was really close to his aunt, she was mentally retarded. Drank and started talking about life. Parents. People. Church. God. It was really sad.

Came home and "broke up" with the one i've been seeing. Not really a break up or anything. We were never together in the first place. I just put too much in it.I dunno what to feel. I dunno how i'm feeling. But it's not nice.

2.30 am and grandmother was feeling very sick. Sent her to hospital. Panic. Confusion. Worry.
She's ok now. I hope nothing bad happens to her.

I'm not going to be able to sleep. Going to stay awake till morning and then go back to the hospital to see her.

My heart feels really heavy.

I hope you have a happy life...

2002-10-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

was too tired to update blog last night.... so here it is now... so here goes:

On Sunday morning... i went to Church again... important points to note:

Isaiah 50:10

" Who among you fears the Lord?
Who obeys the voice of His Servant?
Who walks in darkness and has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the Lord
And rely upon his God."

Christians, we are those who obey our God and trust Him, and we have no light. Just darkness, and our God. So quit your "holier than thou" attitudes. We are NOTHING on our own... in fact, just as good as the person next to you, or behind you. We ARE supposed to walk in darkness, experience darkness like everybody, but yet, we have something to hold on to. And besides, who will "save" the people if you do not want to come down from your high throne and mingle with them who are "unholy", how would you know how they feel? The preacher was talking about "doing the will of God", but this was what was preoccupying my mind throughout the service. Perhaps this is the will of God for me? i dunno. Pastor told a good joke too:

There were three Lutheran Pastors who decided to visit their Catholic Priest friend on day. The three Lutherans came to the Priest's church and entered the hall, where the congregation was waiting for their Catholic Priest fried to perform mass. As there were no seats in the hall, the Catholic priest motioned to the altar boy to come over and he said to the altar boy ," go give three chairs to Lutherans. " With the music blaring and all, the altar boy yelled back to the Priest, " Are you sure Father?Right now?". The Priest yelled back, " Yes, Go give three chairs to the Lutherans right now." The bewildered Altar boy went to the centre of the hall and shouted out loud , " THREE CHEERS FOR THE LUTHERANS! HIP HIP! HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!"

Heh, ok... maybe it's not that funny.. but it made me chuckle during service.

"Everything is uncertain until we do it"

2002-10-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

Watching Portishead's Live in Roseland NYC now courtesy of MOCO. Thanks alot man! You're "too cool for school!"

Went out today with MOCO. I've been rather active recently. 2nd time out in two weeks. I think i'm becoming less of a slug. Bought two books from Stamford publishing(?):

1) BETWEEN THE UTOPIAS : New russian Art during and after Perestroika (1985 - 1993) by Andrei Kovalev
2) The Rolling Stones: Its only rock and roll: Song by Song by Steve Appleford (this is for amanda)

Went to get film for moco's new HOLGA after that and then the esplanade to try out the HOLGA and also to check out the library (and for Moc's to chut some chai)

Came back on irc and talked abit about depression to some person and then the attention shifted to politics. I typed like a possessed man :

Dear Mr (delete surname),

i'm not a quitter ,unlike many of our fellow (citizens of country X),who complain and don't do a thing.I will, in my own little way, do something about it. Because i don't see a point complaining if i don't DO anything about it.For a better (country X), i will equip myself and i WILL be back. And somehow, i will,in my own way, change, if not the world, my country.If not my country,people around me and maybe, that will begin something, perhaps a revolution that will sweep across the nation,and maybe,even the world. No matter how small the contribution might be . I will look back and say ,"i did something."

Somehow... i will.

2002-10-16T02:24:00.000-07:00

Hello again folks... some interesting question were asked tonight on irc....

Question one:" Who are you in love with today?"
Question two:"So... do you wobble?"
Question three: "if the universe is infinite, why is the night sky not illuminated like the surface of the sun?"

So folks... ponder... and perhaps we will find answers tonight for these perplexing mysteries of life.The secrets of the universe are ours!

I'm listening to The Cure's "A night like this", and these lines are making me cry now. "Ohhhhh.... I want to change the world.".. yes... i would want to change the world... i would love to make our world into a place that was better to live in... where people can genuinely love each other regardless of anything. If i could die for the world and for people, i think i would.

I suddenly realise how much i miss jamming and playing and singing with the band again. Stupid lla's always in camp now and nothing seems to move without him. I need to write again. Other than that.. it's another uneventful day in my life. Cheers!

2002-10-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day of bustling activity.Went for breakfast with the grandparents, walked arond SUNTEC for a bit. Afternoon was spent meeting Chee Beng and Mark. We were high society for about ten minutes at a fashion show, watching as the models strutted right in front of us wearing Song and Kelly's spring designs while suzanne vega played in the background. Evening was spent at the Esplanade, watching a million people push and shove and putting up camp sites to be able to catch the fireworks. Disgusting. Not much of a centre for the arts. Friend's drama troupe was there too... and the act that impressed me was the southern siberian throat singers. I shan't comment on whether i think the govt is making in effort an promoting the arts or not.

Today, i went to church. I went and i left straightaway after service to avoid detection.

Preacher : "there is no room for an individual spirit in the church of God, submit yourself to authority and the will of God today....."

why shouldn't we be able to think for ourselves? why is it always dangerous to be different? Is it better to just listen and follow and not say anything? Is this "obedience to the will of God"? Was i the only person in the whole auditorium pondering this? Why can't we be individualistic, and yet, contribute to the whole picture? Does not God want us to be happy? Maybe i really shouldn't even try going back to church, maybe organized religion is really not for me.

Have been thinking about Ian Curtis and his frenzied dancing.Like an insect, struggling, shaking,in a last frenzy to get out of his shell, twitching and kicking his legs and wings, that was what he was like when he danced, a dance of death, desperately trying to lose his body and let what's inside come out, a means to an end .... it's been occupying my mind for the past two days.

2002-10-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

There are so many depressed people. So many i've spoken to for the past week. Stuck in situations where they can do nothing but wait. Life seems like something that is placed upon us to eat us up and all we can do is try to avoid it from swallowing us up too fast. Slow death... pessimistic yes... but that's the way it is. To Cope. We need to COPE. I'm not saying that because it's all going to be futile anyway, we don't try to do anything about it. Try to help people, speak to people, listen to them rant. Maybe there's a way out in the end. Maybe these little distractions help us to somehow find a meaning for our existence and perhaps even happiness. Yes we may be sad and unhappy with our lives and all that... and of course we're entitled to our little times of whining and moods and blah blah blah...Yes, the attention from people is good while you rant and rave.. but how long is that going to last you? end of the day.... if you want to feel better, DO SOMETHING. Make it happen. Anyway.... i'm pretty settled on DELL... goodbye for now

2002-10-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

Way too free...... way too much time... father bought back two beanie baby snakes.... yet to name them.. any suggestions? Getting hungry alot.. getting fatter... listening to David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust... woohoo... just makes me wanna get up and dance... Been looking at laptops for the past two days.. i dunno.... let's take a poll... not like many people visit this page.. but Fujitsu C series or Dell Inspiron? Let me know... Tired... too much badminton this week... need a break....

2002-10-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

They watch you... perhaps reproaching you for what you did to your brother when you were five at the playground. They watch you and you see their eyes. And they whisper. They watch you and you see their eyes and you remember another life, another time. They watch you and you see their eyes, recalling the hatred you felt when they all laughed, holding you by the collar and taking turns to hit you. They look at you and you see their eyes and you remember the joy you felt when you were 5 and Daddy's there, jumping around and pretending to be an ostrich, while Mommy laughs and claps her hands, funny.... you hear yourself laughing. They look at you and you see their eyes and remember your first breakup. They look at you and you see their eyes and you remember wisdom that you learnt and unlearnt. They look at you, their eyes whispering secrets to you that you know you'll forget once you take your gaze away.

2002-10-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

I like sheds...

Went to Church today.. enjoyed it... cause the mood was all sombre.
Aunt Susan:" I'm so sorry that service today was so slow and sombre... usually there's more dancing and jumping and happy songs.."
Me: " i quite like the sombre mood actually.. i'm quite fond of hymns..."
Aunt Susan: " But you look so groovy! "
Me: " ......"

Visited a wonderful site today, The Kitchen Diary , go take a look... am listening to Aspidistra Fly's "No chances of Reconcilliation"... also authors of the kitchen diary site... amazing stuff...

2002-10-05T11:58:00.000-07:00

Wasn't a very good day... wild mood swings.... got better thanks to this though....

Look up, look up
You'll see the sky

Look up, look up
He's the light

Waiting to love you
Wanting to reach you

The man walking down the street
Keeps his head down low
Doesn't look up
Wants to give up
He just keeps on looking down
Staring at the ground

Standing here at the corner
I'm watching him walk away
I'mStanding here and I don't know why
But I'm thinking it could be a great day

Oh I wish you knew him
He's been waiting for so long
If you look up you'll see him
You know we're not alone

"Look up" by Chris Bell

Am nervous... going to try a new church tomorrow.... wish me all the best....

2002-10-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Bought Suede's positivity today.... was a tough choice... i started the day with 37 dollars... 19 went into nifty new haircut... so i went to the cd shop in my area... and i saw the Suede's new morning.... thinking that i have got all the tracks on mp3 already.. i thought i might as well spend it on the new Beck album... so i took the beck cd to the counter.. and asked the lady about the ziggy stardust reissue album which they told me they would bring in... it was then that my counscience struck and i realized that i have to be faithful to suede... and so i bought new morning... 18 dollars... now i'm left with one dollar to survive till work starts... am enjoying the album though... went to play the GREATEST GAME IN THE WORLD in the evening.. and now Isaac's over playing video games while listening to radiohead with me... cheers... this is an incredibly boring entry isn't it :P

"i'm not here, this isn't happening..."

2002-10-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

was at keith's site and saw a picture of him from the 80s looking very mod.... so decided to post one here of me and my little sister. We all wonder what happened to the boy in the picture...

today is bleh. The word, "bleh" seems to sum up the whole day. Hid in my room the entire day while mother and sister were outside watching korean drama serials. tried applying for my student visa to australia but it seems i need to go update my passport first. Food tastes bland. Called up Simply Toys, work will only begin earliest mid Oct cause new shop space is still under renovation. I have 27 dollars in my pocket and i need it to survive till then. Mother comes in ." you need to do somthing about your life". i stay in my room cause when i go out to the kitchen to get water, i somehow look at them and think that they're thinking that i'm a bum and i'm useless. BLEH. I'm ranting alot.. i apologise.. but isn't that what blogs are for? Ah well... tomorrow's friday.. maybe things will be looking better... listening to Os Mutantes. "Baby" . Not in too good a mood today girls and boys....

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Mad world by Tears for Fears

2002-10-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hi, this is my 2nd day here. Finished reading American God's today.... then was thinking alot about Odin. The All father, The gallows God, Brother of Loki... hung from a tree for 9 days.. pierced in his side by his own spear ... somehow, i found it a little Christ like... though i don't remember reading that Odin died for mankind or anything... he did learn some useful spells and secrets from runes though... Then went to play the most wonderful game in the world. badminton is a sport that will endure... 1 million years from now , people will still be playing it.. however, i broke me racket strings today and somehow managed to smash my father's friend's 100 dollar racket up... bad day? well.. got home and am now suffering from a severe tummyache as we speak right now.Gab's says it's prolly alien infestation... i dunno... would be interesting to see it bursting out of my tummy though... god.. talking about tummys... i'm fucking fat.... am listening to suede's "when the rain falls", beautiful song... and i guess i've run out of things to say for now... ah well... till later then... am rushing off for a crap.. :)

2002-10-01T02:29:00.000-07:00

Me and Amanda... at Muddy Murphs with jo, shera and keith last Friday... Kilkenny's, talk, ciggies, and ALOT OF SINGING.... was really fun...

Hello hello.... this is my first day using this.... and i'm a bit confused but i think it'll work out ok..... as you can tell, i'm very fedup with freehostit.com cause they're down alot... bleh.... anyway... i promise to update this as regularly as i can... i'm gonna fiddle around this thing for a while now.... have a nice day....